Why seek happiness, when we can have joy daily?

I made a profound realisation the other day after listening to a speech of a well know actor.

In the speech the usual subjects were mentioned, career, success, wealth and marriage.

But the most important words not usually mentioned, were finding yourself, and ‘Joy’. It made me realise something I had never thought of, or heard of before now.

We spend our earlier years growing up, being programmed or taught the basics at school, and extras if we go on from there to college or university. We are often asked by parents, teachers or career advisers “What do you want to be?”. Often people say a Doctor, a Nurse, an Actor, a Musician, a famous sportsperson and so on and so on.

In my case I never had an answer, as at that point I did not know. In future years after various different jobs I still did not know, and felt a bit of a failure as I was being told by society that I should, and I should be striving for it.

later on I finally came to the realisation that I wasn’t after a particular career or a perfect job, and I realised that all I wanted is to be happy in what I do. The doing should be the reward.

But how do you find this alleged true happiness? We attach the label ‘Happy’ to something we think we will be when we have that something we seek, be it a particular sporting achievement, job title, a bigger house, a family etc..etc.

How often have you been asked “Are you happy?” and in your head you have quickly accessed whether you have all that you want at that point, and that has been your marker for your happiness, as if owning and having something is what it is all about.

When we attach happiness to something solid like a career, a home, a person, in our mind our happiness is permanently molded and joined to it, and therefore in our mind reliant on it.

We feel content and happy because we have achieved the object, person or career we sought and it feels good. But often over time we realise that we are no longer as happy as we thought, and that which we sought was not actually the key to our happiness after all.

The problem is careers and jobs can come and go, homes can be bought and lost, husbands and wives can be lost or taken away. We suddenly end up in despair at losing all that we sought and strives for over the years, and all we feel is sadness of the loss, and the thought of the years it will take to achieve it again.

I say to you, happiness as we already know is an emotion, not an object or an achievement.

It is a feeling not an object we can earn or buy, it is not a reward, an achievement that can sought for, worked for and earned and kept forever.

Emotions and feelings are, and always have been temporary.

I say to you ‘Joy’ is what we should seek. ‘Joy’ is the actual feeling you feel when you encounter the emotion ‘Happiness’. You don’t earn it, it comes and goes daily as any emotion or feeling always does, we already know this, but sadly don’t actually associate it with our ‘Happiness’ .

Joy is happiness and is key. When something good happens to you you feel joyful and happy that it did, it’s an emotion you feel at that moment, and it can come at any time without being sought or earned.

When a comedian tells a good joke and you burst out in laughter you feel a tremendous feeling of joy and happiness for a second or two, and the good feeling within the body lasts longer as your brain releases pleasure hormones and the receptors light up like fireworks, and you feel the joy and pleasure long after the joke has been told.

When you see your son or daughter get married and you see they are truly blessed and love each other, you feel joyful, and merely seeing them together in the following years can bring back that feeling of joy. It wasn’t earned it was felt.

Compare this with plain ‘Happiness’ that you sought in a new car, a promotion, a new home, maybe even a new baby. Although that which you sought and earned maybe there in front of you the ‘Happiness’ may soon wane, because happiness is an emotion and temporary, and we have wrongly attached it to objects of perceived permanence.

Seek ‘Joy’, live a life in which you have the freedom to enjoy joy everyday. Have fun with those you love, do what pleases you and brings you joy. Be it going out for a walk, a hike up a mountain, a run in nature, watching the sunrise or sunset, take joy in those special moments on your own or with your offspring or just being with loved ones.

It’s available everyday, it’s usually free and doesn’t require planning ahead.

If you are having bad times or feeling sad, especially thinking of the future, and whether you will ever be happy again, remember that ‘Joy’ can and often will come in the morning, or afternoon or evening, and if not that day, then maybe the next.

You do not need to feel upset, stress and worry each day of perceived missed happiness. Find that which brings you Joy today or tomorrow, and remember it has infinite sources and is often given freely by others.

Go out and do what you love to do, be it your work or something else, and by all means strive to get that promotion, pay rise, bigger better house, car or whatever. But remember they are not all bringers of happiness that will stay, they are stairs to the next level of many next levels that you may seek, as you again try to achieve happiness once the original feeling has passed.

We are here to live a life filled with joy, we are wondrous beings, be it only a few fleeting moments a day or endless hours. We are here to go and do that which brings us joy, which is the true feeling the emotion happiness gifts us.

Remember we only have to live each day one by one, hour by hour, minute by minute. Joy can come at any time for anyone, it is felt in the heart...it is never earned.


Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.


(Psalm 30, verse 5 ESV).


May you all find Joy daily, and may it bless your lives for ever.

Should we fester at the side of the road in relative safety? or face the obstacles ahead to get to where we want to go?

It has been 8 months since my last mental health blog post on here, and to be honest as I have had a mostly positive 8 months I didn't want to go over my thoughts or examine more closely my life as I felt I have been progressing health wise, especially with my mental health regarding my Anxiety and Social Anxiety.

Going back over your bad times is not always wise so I ignored them and put the memories away in a little box as such and hid it away. I let the positives drive me as they should, but you have to be careful not to be too content to sit in that little comfort zone and fester.

Over the last 8 months I have concentrated on my fund raising challenge in memory of my Mum, and all the training involved to give me a chance of succeeding in the challenge. The challenge was the GB Ultras 50 mile Snowdon Ultra. The furthest distance I have ever attempted in an actual event at least, and certainly the toughest terrain as Snowdonia is not flat as you all know.

I spent a week in June in Snowdonia staying with my Dad in the holiday flat/farm that my Mum and Dad used to stay in for their last holidays together. It was a vitally important week as I got to spend some quality time with my Dad, even though I was out most of the day each day training up mountains.

The week gave me a tremendous resurgence in inner vitality and well being, especially being in such lovely, peaceful and scenic surroundings. I think that alone gave me a more positive outlook on my life and in particular my purpose.

Fund raising for good causes is one of my main drives now as I need a reason to be here, and a purpose to encourage me to push on through my troubles. Without purpose we are nothing. We were put here for a reason and it is our duty to find it or create it.

I miss my Mum dearly and the fund raising challenge was a way of honouring my Mum and trying to continue to make her proud, although I know full well had she been here she would of been doubting my decision to take part and would of been asking me whether I was taking on too much. This always made me push harder to prove I could.

The 1st anniversary of my Mums death was the week I spent in Wales with my Dad and the week I did all my Snowdon training. It was a welcome distraction to help get me through an otherwise difficult week, a week that otherwise could of pushed me over the edge.

The training and focus continued throughout the summer months and in no time at all the event itself was upon me. September was now here. I was honoured to have my Dad come with me for the weekend as my parents were never at events I did, so this one was special in many ways.

We spent a couple of days in Betws-y-coed which is where the race start and finish was. I obviously spent most of my weekend running/walking the event as the time allowance for the 50 miles was 24 hours, and I intended on using every one of them to make it easier on myself.

The event went extremely well and my body held up without any major troubles. My knee did suffer as I knew it would as it is my weakest link and the one that has always forced me to cancel previous attempts at 50 milers before even getting to the start line.

I loved my time out there and got to appreciate the lovely scenery as I went and used it as a distraction. It wasn't so much fun in the dark stages on the mountains when the cloud cover came in and the mist and I couldn't see where I was anymore. But after a detour I eventually made it down of the last mountain, and knew I could find my way on the last 13 miles of relatively flatter terrain to get me back in one piece at 6:01am in the morning!

Ever since then I have had a few relapses with my Anxiety, only brief thankfully and I have always known that by the next day I would be OK again. I was now faced with 'what now?' and 'what's next?'

What next for me fund raising wise as an individual fundraiser is not until next June when I go to Wales with my Dad again for the week. Details of this will follow when I nail down exactly what my plan is for the fundraiser.

But still I have 'what now?' in my head. I can't just sit here day on day, month on month going to work, going home and putting my feet up, sleeping and then going to work again the next day.

I do spend time each day on social media and running a charity running group on Facebook. That in itself keeps my mind focused on my sense of purpose and with it's continued success as such gives me a reason to go on day by day.

I have also started to publicise my plant based diet more, and my animal advocacy for the sake of the animals and indeed for the sake of our health. Both are a benefit to us all, but I am faced now with push back from friends and acquaintances who really are not interested in bettering their health at the expense of giving up something they have done all their lives, i.e. eat meat and consume dairy as it has been instilled in us over the decades that this is what is good for us, and it is part of our day to day lives and indeed culture and tradition.

I have recently suffered a dip in my mental health and Anxiety because of this as I was faced with debates, negative feedback and often uncaring comments regarding the animals along with doubts about knowing what I was talking about, despite spending the last 18 months researching on line material and seminars etc.

I have adjusted my friends list and contacts on social media to stop me being sucked into this negative world and being responsible for death and misery just because it is the accepted norm. I would rather struggle on than give up without a fight, I have a voice, the animals don't.

Our mental and physical health can be far more positive with the right diet and lifestyle, and more importantly our well being and positive focus.

I recently watched a new series called 'Trancendence' a 5 part series and it was enormously insightful and it covered a lot of ground regarding our nutritional health, mental health, physical health and well being. It covered what we strive for and why, along with what holds us back and why. How much 'Fear' can affect our daily choices.

It covered how we can move on past our 'Fear' and re balance ourselves, and not live in a state of daily stress due to our self imposed pressures regarding what we think we should be striving for in life, a bigger house, a more fashionable home, a successful career, big social circles, impressing those around us etc etc..

One thing that came up that holds many of us back is 'Fear'. It turned out that 'Fear' is a major driver for stresses and Anxiety. Fear of what could go wrong, fear of what people might think about me, fear of being alone, fear of not being noticed etc..etc..It was not all about stress at work that created my Anxiety pre work and at work, it was the 'Fear' I was suffering about worth and self worth that was triggering it.

Constant worry of looking bad, of what people thought of me, of how I was performing, of how other people were undermining my effectiveness in my role etc.

I am now learning how to address this 'Fear' and recognising it for what it is. If I feel it I have to remind myself why, and I have to take stock and reassure myself that the 'Fear' is invalid and it doesn't matter what people think, or that you think people think which is often the case.

It is now November and I have returned to the gym for workouts other than just running or cycling based, as I am taking the rest of the year and Winter off running wise. This will give me a drive, a sense and a purpose that I feel will help me better myself.

I want to use any advancement in my physique or health as evidence of the benefits of a meat and dairy free lifestyle. I am 49 at present and believe me most 49 year olds are not a shining example of health. I aim to help readdress this.

I also joined a dating site about 4-5 months ago, but rapidly discovered it yet again triggered the 'Fear' of what people thought of me, I'm not good enough for them etc etc..I have Social Anxiety as well as Anxiety in general so how on earth am I supposed to get up the courage to approach prospective dates when all I feel is 'I'm not good enough'.

I will address this now I've identified the 'Fear' and the unnecessary lack of self belief. The gym and the sense of purpose to help improve peoples health and therefore their life, and the determination to improve the lives of the animals and lessen their suffering will continue to drive me on.

I have very recently sadly lost an Aunt and an Uncle in the last two months to cancer, a sad reflection on what life can hold for us and a sad reflection on how our day to day diets may affect us in the long term.

Even the healthiest can suffer chronic disease, but it is more prevalent in the general population who have eaten the typical standard diet, and in a lot of cases the diet recommended to us in food guidelines in the most recent decades.

I aim to continue to promote, re post and share articles that can help us help ourselves. We all know you can reduce the risks with certain foods, we need to start to consider ourselves more closely. The information is out there, we need to educate and share the benefits of a healthier diet and indeed exercise.

Mentally if we improve our dietary health and our well being we face a better chance of getting through our troubles. Negativity feeds ill health and often causes it, positivity can help fight it and often repair it. The body has a tremendous ability to heal itself when given the right environment to do so.

I for one do not intend to sit here every day and fester at the side of the road of life, not daring to attempt to face my troubles doing nothing for myself or anyone else. I intend on making that first difficult step and facing the difficulties and obstacles in front of me to reach where I want to go!.

Spring..the bringer of new challenges, new hopes and new beginnings.

 This blog post covers a mix of subjects as I was unsure whether to write a 'fitness with Gru' blog post or a 'Running for my health' blog post as I have so much on my mind at present and as always so much to say. In that regard I apologise in advance if this drags on....



2018 my story so far...

 As some of you will know I was doing two jobs as I slowly tried to move from working in the hotel industry to the fitness industry. This entailed me giving up my full time job in a hotel and going part time so I could also get my foot in the door at a local Everlast gym in my hometown, albeit just as a cleaner and general assistant. This happened back in Oct 2016 and the main reason I did it was I discovered I was suffering with Anxiety and it had worsened over recent years, so much so that I had to remove myself where possible from the environment that had worsened it, the hotel.

My mental health improved as I identified the problem and after receiving some helpful advice off my brother I have learnt to live with it and more importantly spot the signs of an on coming attack. Stressful situations and pressures at work often triggered attacks and the minds subconscious link between my stresses and the work environment often caused me to feel unwell in the hours leading up to a shift at work, all this before I knew why I was feeling unwell.

After identifying my problem as I said I sought to find the solution, in my case it was reducing my time in the stressful environment, hence going part time and taking a second part time job at a local gym.

The new environment did wonders for my health both mentally and physically and a change of jobs is often a worthwhile life choice for many as we can often become lost and stagnate in some run of the mill jobs.

I soon settled into the routine of the two jobs but after a while discovered that the original source of my issues were still being triggered sometimes by my work at the hotel and sought to change this.  In the Spring of 2018 my opportunity arose when more hours became available at the gym and a decision needed to be made.

It didn't take me long to decide that the gym was where my future lay and my commitment to my daily work standards there would be appreciated by many.

So as of April 2018 I am now full time at Everlast gym as a cleaner/general assistant and to be honest I like the job tremendously as I am clean, conscientious and a tad OCDP (obsessive compulsive disorder personality) so keeping things clean, tidy and particularly in order is my thing. Top this with working around people who are there to improve their health and well being and you have a win-win work environment for me.

New challenges..

I have kept my training to a minimum this year to start as I tried to decide what this year would bring for me event wise, challenge wise and more importantly fund raising wise. My biggest priority this year was always going to be my memorial fundraiser for my Mum to mark a year since she passed away last June in 2017.

Originally I had planned a memorial walk along the Welsh Coastal Path from Chester to Caernarfon and onto Snowdon in June. But I also wanted to do the new GB Ultras Snowdon 50 Ultra marathon in Sept 2018 and the recce/training runs for this event fell on the same week as the 1st memorial date the 2nd June. I was stumped as to what to do, but decided that the Ultra was a fitting tribute and challenge to take on especially as it was the first of it's kind in that area of Snowdonia and it took in so many local sights I was familiar with as a child whilst there on family holidays with my Mum, Dad and Brother.

I will be doing the Snowdon Ultra to raise money for the Llanberis Mountain Rescue Team who are a vital voluntary unpaid rescue service keeping us all safe when in and around the Snowdonia National Park. They are out almost daily saving people from themselves when they have often gone out totally unprepared for what lays ahead on one of the most treachourous mountains in the UK. They deserve our full support. I will also be fundraising for Lupus UK which is a condition my Mum suffered from and is not widely known about but carries some nasty consequences and is currently incurable for it's sufferers. They are both worthy causes.

The recce runs for the Ultra will allow me to still be in Snowdonia on the all important date, and I would indeed be staying there on holiday with my Dad for most of that week anyway and it would allow me to pay my respects in the best way possible with an ascent and decent of Snowdon on the 2nd of June itself as part of the training run. 

This plan of action is currently my preferred direction for this year, and I am doing everything in my power to be able to get there in one piece. Unfortunately for me my knees have other ideas at the moment.

As always my right knee in particular is trying to throw a spanner in the works which is why I often take periods of time off from running events as I cycle instead to maintain fitness and allow me to actually recover ready for my next event. This worked in 2017 and I am hoping it will work in 2018.

I have currently only done one event this year so far (other than my run every day in Jan challenge for Mind) and that was a recent run out at the Caldervale Country 10 miler which is a cracking 10 mile road run out in the countryside North of Preston.

I had a good day there and my knee was fine to be honest, but a couple of days later it was a little niggled and I realised I was in fact running and recovering and then running again quite a lot recently and not dealing with the issue. It looks like I have a 'Bursa' at the bottom end of my hamstring tendon where it joins the lower leg aside the knee joint. It inflames after a run and tightens up and restricts full movement for a day or so, something I was just dealing with as I work and not running till later in the week when it was ok again.

I am now resting this for 1-2 weeks with no running, as rest is the prescribed repair process for this type of injury apparently and I can feel it improving daily. I am also fast approaching my next tough challenge though which is the Excalibur marathon at Moel Famau in North Wales which has 5500ft of climb over the entire route. I have done this before and it is extremely tough when in top shape, never mind restricted shape with lack of decent training.

I may consider dropping down to the half to be sensible so I don't flare the injury up again before my multiple Snowdon recce runs 3 weeks later. But I would also like to take my running poles and try them out here as practice for Snowdon etc, as the Excalibur has a lot of tough climbs and they would be of great benefit here. If I do the half then I won't take the poles as it will look and feel like overkill.

I am hoping by doing less regular social running and more few and far between tougher training runs I will be able to dial in my ultra specific skill set, of which I currently don't have many lol.

New Hope  

A this year unfolds I find myself grateful that my mental health is improving, but am aware that the Anxiety will always be there, and has in some way always been there. I just never recognised the flaws in my character as such. I have always been shy, quiet and reclusive, all of which are trademark 'Social Anxiety' issues. I used to drink to fit in on nights out to lose my inhibitions which were just my Anxiety kicking in, always worried what people thought of me, what I looked like, were the people over there laughing laughing at me? etc etc. I was incredibly self conscious and my self confidence took a beating.

Since changing to a Whole Food Plant Based diet and lifestyle I don't really drink any more so no longer use alcohol as a crutch, therefore I tend to avoid social occasions as my worsened Anxiety kicks in big time. This does save me money though and I no longer poison my system or general health in the process so I guess there are benefits.

I have come to the conclusion in recent months that not going out socially allows me to save money, this then allows me more opportunity to sponsor and support other fundraisers in their conquests and challenges and I really enjoy being able to do so. I would rather be poor and support those in need, than be rich, selfish and self centered.

'We will rightly be judged for that which we don't do, as much at that we do!'

New beginnings..

As I have said above I now follow a Whole Foods Plant Based diet and lifestyle, this also means I agree with and follow a fair few of the Vegan principles when it comes to animal welfare and our abuse of and misuse of the animals around us. Our health should be one of our main priorities and getting meat and dairy out of our daily diets is the biggest and most important step we can and should make.....

The benefits to us in changing our dietary lifestyle are vast. We can halt or reverse type 2 diabetes, we can halt and reverse several otherwise chronic diseases and we can make ourselves effectively heart disease proof, and the last one is the biggest killer of all. 

Why would you knowingly increase your risk of heart disease by huge amounts by continuing to eat processed meats for example when the World Health Organisation along with the major Nutritional experts confirmed that they are Class One carcinogens in the same class as Arsenic and Asbestos and are proven to cause Cancer?

We have our heads in the sand as we prefer to stick with what we know, or what we are addicted too. Lets face it we know it harms us, but we still do it. Our selfish need for self satisfaction overrides our bodies self defense mechanism as it tries to get the bad stuff out of our system , but we overload it and it starts to break down and self destruct. Heart disease build up, bad animal proteins feed cancerous cells and they start to run riot in our bodies until we either except the consequences and just blame genetics, hereditary traits or just accept our perceived fate. 

 'We have no fate, but that we make' 

As famously said by Sarah Connor in Terminator2 'We have no fate, but that we make'. We often create our own fate with our life choices and it is becoming incredibly more well known that our dietary choices can and will help or hinder our fates. It will also help or hinder those around us including our fellow animals in this our shared World. We do not own it, we do not have the right or the authority to abuse, defile or deal death to the innocents around us just because of our taste preferences. There is no widely known need or benefit to eating meat over plants, no matter how many meat and dairy industry funded research they care to deliberately try and confuse us with.

I continue to read up and watch what I can to educate myself with regard to Nutritional studies and research in the hope I can help those around me who wish to be helped. My physical health has improved since going 'plant based' and my athletic performance results from last year compared to previous speak volumes and are testament to it's benefits and recovery properties, all this despite me training less than I have ever done in my life.

I do wish you all improved mental health, physical health and a productive 2018. I do hope you will continue to follow and support my fund raising endeavours, especially my 56 mile mile Snowdon Ultra in Sept which I may add has 19,000+ ft of climb. It's going to be hard, it's going to be painful, I will remember my Mum, I am going to undoubtedly cry but I will prevail and I will overcome....

Spring, the bringer of light and our partial escape from the darkness within.....

 A brief Winter recap....

If you suffer with a mental health issue then Winter is usually our darkest months as the effects of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) or general depression kick in, and even if you aren't officially diagnosed as a sufferer then it will likely affect most of us in some way anyway Many will shut themselves up in their home and avoid going out unless necessary to avoid the cold, damp and general greyness of the period.

Many of us with mental health issues will of struggled through Christmas and New Year and the prospect of another year of the same.

I obviously suffered this Christmas as it was my first Christmas without my Mum after she passed away last June. I honestly did not know how this period would go, but thankfully with the support of family and friends and keeping focused on my fund raising I got through.

I have also been surprised and happy at the amount of friends and associates on social media who have opened up more this Winter and reached out to to me and friends for help or merely a listening ear, and in many cases have let me into their partially secret lives of dealing with the dreaded Black Dog and all that it entails.

This is one of the main reasons I write a blog such as this and have many facebook and social media avenues to try and reach out and raise awareness. It helps to talk and it certainly helps to listen.

Despite having our own problems it helps to know we are not alone, and it helps being able to give at least a little advice from our own experiences in the hope it will at least help a little to ease the pain for others.

Escape from the darkness within....

At work this Winter for me it was the usual turn up, work hard and go home and then get back to my PC to focus on my fund raising and my plans for 2018. I have now just given my job up as a Concierge in a hotel I worked at for 8 years, and had gone part time there back in Oct 2016 as I took on another job at a local gym to give me a stress free atmosphere to help my Anxiety issues.

Continuing to work part time in the hotel had been better than working there full time and kept me in regular contact with working friends and regular guests, but a lot of the stresses to my Anxiety were still there and I finally decided to remove them by leaving for good and taking on more hours at the gym and concentrating on that job alone.

The gym tends to be full of happy positive people and plenty of people to talk to about life in general while I happily work hard to keep the gym clean and tidy on a daily basis. Just the general ability and access to being able to talk about things is a massive help, and a testament as to why just being able to talk openly can help both yourself and those around you.

Being able to talk about mental health and physical health issues in general is a great way of raising awareness and indeed getting people to open up honestly , who likely wouldn't of done if you hadn't spoken so openly yourself in the first place.

My job move has helped me no end as the hotel was my main stressor and my main cause of my underlying Anxiety and in my mind my main cause of my 'darkness within'.

Job stress and stressors bring it to the forefront and once there it is always there and we have to learn how to live with it. Removing causes and stressors where we can is always a bonus mentally and psychologically and gives us a more positive feel for the future.

Spring, the bringer of light...

So it is almost Spring, or is Spring depending on which marker you use for the official start. For many of us including myself Spring is the point were we hopefully feel some happiness or relief that the darker colder Winter months are hopefully behind us for another year.

As you know my fund raising is mostly run based, and as you will know if you read my last Running For My Health blog I did the R.E.D. in January challenge for Mind (Run Every Day) to help raise much needed funds for a very worthy charity, and to raise awareness of the charity and the mental health conditions they help support.

The R.E.D. challenge did indeed help me keep a positive focus on things ahead this Winter more than normal, as I would of otherwise just stayed in hibernation/survival mode until Spring finally arrived.

R.E.D. also helped me focus on my main fundraiser for 2018 which is in memory of my Mum and as I will need to train throughout the year for it it gave me time to start planning in my head how it was all going to come about.

This Spring I am now ready to go and I am starting to get out there and start my run training for future events, as well as just getting out there for the fun of it to appreciate the sun and the scenery of nature where I live by the sea and coast.

The relief I have felt being out there in nature and enjoying all it has to offer, and finally feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin again has helped me. I feel like I have come through the dark period of Winter, and into the new light of Spring and all that it brings, which is the start of new things to come in hopefully a positive year ahead.

Mothers Day has just passed this last weekend and it was sad without my Mum, but I went out for a long run in the local dunes and pinewoods knowing it was somewhere she loved, as do I. It helped me feel better and to assure myself that running and fund raising is what keeps me alive, and reassured me that the fund raiser in Sept and the challenge it entails in Snowdonia will be for a good cause and in remembrance of a fine human being, my Mum.

I encourage you to talk openly about your troubles where able, reach out to friends, reach out on the dedicated pages on social media where fellow sufferers and new friends await you. Get out into the fresh air and enjoy all that is around you. Start running, cycling, walking , swimming or whatever helps you get out there. Sign up for some runs, run for a charity close to your heart, fund raise or just raise awareness.....

I guarantee to you that it can be a life saver, a giver of new hope and a step in the right direction for your future happiness and indeed your daily survival.

Gru. xx

Another New Year, another you?...

Running For My Health

Reflections of 2017..

So another year has passed and it has come the time when we reflect on all that has passed, be it good or bad, and all that we wish for ourselves for the new year ahead.

I won't reflect on here about my 2017 as many of you who know me will already know.

I honestly cannot tell you if this annual 'New Year, New You' thing that is usually promoted all over the web and social media is a good thing or not.

 On a whole normally I just brush it off with a simple 'well it's just another new calendar' and that is has no relevance in the real world. I mean after all if the calendar had never been invented we wouldn't even know it was another alleged new year.

This year I'm using it to try and trick my mind into thinking that last year is behind me and the new year brings new things and new memories.

The problem is, often we cannot put everything behind because we are still here living day to day and some of us are living with very real problems.

Mine is my Anxiety, which sometimes catches me totally unaware and comes when I am not actually aware that I am remotely thinking or worrying about anything at all.

I will give you a recent example....

I was happily (note happily) sat watching a movie on Amazon movies called 'Goon'. It was a comedy and there was no particular hint that it was a romantic movie because quite frankly it wasn't. It was a good old laugh out loud movie. But one scene was just the two main characters lay on their bed side by side looking into each others eyes as they both mutually appreciated each others presence...

Then Boom! instant mood change on my part as my brain reminded me big time with an emotional overload of depression and Anxiety in one hit as the reminder that I was alone and didn't have this hit home.

I wasn't even concentrating on it that much but I felt lousy within myself and my mind was all over the place even though I was genuinely concentrating on the rest of the movie as it moved on to the more action based scenes. But my mind wouldn't move on, the chemicals in my brain I guess had triggered all the wrong feelings within me and I began to feel depressed, anxious and in a very dark place.

This wasn't helped by the half bottle of Prosecco I had had which I'd kept since New Year and decided I wanted to chill out with it. How wrong was I on that one.

It genuinely made me realise that as someone with mental health issues I was increasing more at risk to mood changes and I couldn't always rely on the fact that 'it will pass' as I logically know it will, but illogically cannot always see that at the time as everything turns into chaos in my head.

Luckily to a certain extent I live on my own, so my mood was my problem and no one else's as If there were people around me at that time with the various noises and chatter involved I would of probably of had to leave the room with a feeling of total failure.

Thankfully as I write this today I feel fine although only yesterday I had to cancel my attendance at my staff party as I couldn't afford the risk of social anxiety combined with alcohol and a possible repeat feeling of loneliness as I returned home on my own again to an empty flat.

Mental health is a real worry in modern times, and it is more prevalent I think than it used to be, yet it is still a hidden secret to many who try their best to hide their problems, their worries, their anxieties and usually their crippling insecurities and depression.

What can we do in 2018?..

Our health and all around us.  

What can we do is a genuine question. It varies person to person, you don't have to be someone with mental health issues worrying about each and every hour never mind each day or the next. 

You could simply be worried about your health, your job, your loved ones or the World around us.

I for one worry about several from that short list. I do my best health and fitness wise by keeping active with charity running etc as most of you will know.

 I also went Whole Food Plant Based diet wise back in March 2017 and it has reaped great rewards and I have continued to research and follow the whole healthy nutrition and our health aspect ever since with endless watching of lectures, seminars and general articles put out by those in the know who are spreading the good news and giving us updates on the latest research etc.

I promote a Whole Food Plant Based diet wherever  I can with my blogs as I know it will genuinely help others as I genuinely care about them and their health. I will never apologize for the endless posts on Facebook and video shares etc.

In recent months I have dabbled with the Vegan aspect of things as my diet is 99.9% vegan technically due to the no meat and dairy aspect of it.

A true compassion to the animals around me had been made all the easier by the fact I know it is benefit to my health as well to the lives of the animals around me.

I have however found the 'elitist' Vegan Police rather too much to deal with and have been amazed at how insensitive and uncompassionate a fair share of Vegans can be to their fellow man.

Don't get me wrong there are a lot of really nice ones around and thankfully they strike a happy balance that to me saves the very movement that is Veganism.

Openly chastising someone for buying a L'oreal product in the UK that hasn't been tested on or harmed any animals for example because the company also sells products in China, which has to be tested on animals by law in China is not acceptable.

 It may not be animal friendly, and no I don't agree with animal testing, but you have no right telling a new Vegan or at least an animal advocate or someone trying to help the animals that they are not Vegan according to your rules of how far you go with avoiding products.

The original meaning of Vegan as created by the man himself Donald Watson, was a person who does not eat meat or diary or use any animal products were practical. This is hotly contested by many.

This meaning has been added to and elaborated over the years by the same society the Vegan Society that kicked out it's founding member Donald Watson when he didn't follow their animal activism leanings.

This year Veganuary, a one month challenge to go Vegan in January has attracted over 145,000+ followers and people who will do their best to be Vegan for the month and hopefully beyond. But on social media it has become apparent that I am not the only one struggling with the approach of some Vegans in attitude to their possible new advocates to Veganism.

Thankfully the like of Veganuary itself has a whole website and charity behind it that promotes Veganism in an open and friendly way and their Facebook group has maintained a helpful and friendly attitude to all within and I am truly thankful of that.

Their willingness to offer good valued advice on food, nutrition, health, cruelty free and Vegan products is a good one and to be commended. In my mind they have saved a lot of people from falling of the Vegan wagon and going back to their old ways purely because of the way they have been spoken too.

I commend an improved diet to you all, be it Vegan, Plant based or a stepping stone along the way to improved health and fitness.

What can we do in 2018?...

Our mental health. 

What can we do about our mental health?...Well we can talk openly about it for one. Get it out there in the open with friends you feel close enough to talk to openly. 

A genuine friend will be there for you, or at least will listen to you and your troubles. Some will surprise you often with troubles of their own or family members that you didn't know they had. This is an example of how hidden mental health issues can be within society, if you didn't know they had troubles how would anyone else. 

1 in 4 is the often touted figure for how many people will suffer mental health issues within their lifetime. Think about that for a minute , look around the room you are in at family, work colleagues or friends and imagine that at least 1 in 4 have or will have problems.

Now think how many of them have openly told you they have any problems or issues? Likelihood is maybe 1 in 10 of them may of done if at all. It is always a closely guarded secret until either we break from within or someone that genuinely cares knocks to come in to our fragile World.

Likelihood is they have the troubles now or at least the beginnings of them as life's pressure take there toll on them. Do your best to be there when they need by letting them know so.

Talking about your own troubles, or at least genuine ones as far as health or mental health or even financial ones is a way of letting others know 'That it is good to talk'. The way people except those with troubles is a testament to their true self and whether they care about just themselves or all around them.

I have found that talking is best, and posting on social media although risky sometimes is a major step in telling everyone who you really are and reaching out for the help you need.

Writing blogs about your experiences is a big help, hence why I write this one for example as it helps me get to grips with my problems and lay them out before me in black and white. It tells me I am ok, I can survive this, I can talk about this and that I have got this.

So what have I done in January 2018 for my mental health? Well I have joined the R.E.D. in January for Mind challenge.

This was and is a great way to combine my physical health with my mental health by pledging to run every day in January (Some are walking or exercising).

By doing so it is getting my mind of my troubles and getting me out there for the start of the New Year and beyond.

It is getting me through the darker months of Winter and indeed the darker months of the dreaded 'Black Dog' as it does it's best to keep me housebound in a nice warm and safe environment of home. 

But getting out there is the nice safe environment, not being stuck at home.

Just like Veganuary and their Facebook page and website, R.E.D January has a superb Facebook support page and website. I have watched with great joy as people with mental issues among others have opened up with their troubles and without any kind of judgement whatsoever, have received outstanding support from within the group as well as the page admin team.

A true testament that it is good to talk about your problems. We have a wealth of experience in a field that is only truly understood by those who have crossed it in an attempt to come out the other side without been trampled.

Do everything you can within your power to improve your life through your fitness, your diet, your love for others, including the animals around us and especially your mental health and well being.

Talk the talk, walk the walk, and most of all...show the World you care, and perhaps, just perhaps the love will be returned tenfold.

God Bless you all.

When you are living one day at a time, how do you plan for a new year?...

As Christmas has now reared it's overtly commercial ugly head for yet another year it is hard to remember the true meaning of Christmas, and indeed to stay grounded and remember all that we have to be thankful for.

It's also a time to remember those who are no longer with us this Christmas. For me I truly do not know how Christmas is going to go after losing my Mum this year. My Mum was a true believer in having her family around her at such an important time of year, especially as a Christian.

I must admit as someone who usually worked a lot over the Christmas period it was usually a strain to free up some time as I didn't get much time off and I usually wanted to spend it alone chilling out and having a rest. I can truly say now that that was a big mistake, and that family truly is the most important thing at Christmas, no matter what your job or whether you want time to yourself or not, as one year you will find you really are by yourself and you will regret lost opportunities.

But if you suffer mental health issues Christmas can be a real problem, and if you have Anxiety like me the pressure of keeping everyone happy and getting around everyone and doing all the Christmassy things can be a real challenge and often a daunting one. It can be hard to not make people feel like they aren't important to you because you are not making an effort, but it is not by choice, it is often a matter of survival to get through the stressful period in one piece and come out the other side actually looking forward to yet another year of the same.



My Dad will be spending his first Christmas without my Mum this year and I have to think how he is going to feel this year. I am off work on Christmas Day and Boxing Day afternoon and evening so chances are it could be the usual Boxing Day meal out like we usually do, as it always gave myself and my brother Christmas day to ourselves to spend how we please.

In my brothers case it was obviously enjoying Christmas with his own family which is important as the kids are young and they need to feel like Christmas is all about their day together and not rushing around all day trying to visit all the parents and in laws etc which can be a stretch at the best of times. Some years I don't even get the chance to catch up with him myself as our time off never matches, it's like working a shift and saying a brief hello or goodbye and see you again soon lol. We always catch up later in the New Year when the madness has subsided a week or so later which is good.

That brings me to the New Year and where I was originally heading when I started this post...

Living with a mental illness you often cannot see further ahead than tomorrow, and if it's Anxiety like mine it is often best trying not to think ahead or even plan ahead, as thinking ahead can cause stress thinking about what is ahead, and planning ahead can stress you out if you worry about sticking with your plan or if things start not to go to plan, it's an endless revolving circle often like a revolving door were after a while you just don't know where you are going, whether you are coming or going and you just want to get off.

As a charity runner I try not to plan ahead too much and often just go out and run, no pressure on time, distance or speed. This enables a feeling of freedom and a relief from some of life's pressures for a short while.

This has long been the case for a lot of runners and why you find a lot of people who are suffering stress or Anxiety, or mental health issues find running such a help. It also helps that if you are lucky the brain releases some 'feel good' endorphins and gives a brief period of happiness and contentment.

As a fundraising runner though with mental health issues or indeed physical issues such as injuries, how do you plan ahead for yet another year of fundraising?...

One day at a time may help get you through life for a while, but sometimes little targets or milestones can often give a little incentive to push on and challenge yourself a little, but it is important to not beat yourself up if you don't make it to your goal or target first time or even second time round.

I failed last year in my target of finally running a 50 mile event as I had planned for quite a while. I had a knee issue and was not able to do the training I needed to be physically able to succeed. I was extremely disappointed with myself and it had already started 2 years before when I had to back out of a 53 mile event for a charity I supported due to a hamstring issue that didn't heal in time, that was 2015.

2016 I had dropped the 50 miler plans for that year and then suffered knee problems during my 3 hill/mountain marathons in 6 months fundraising challenge which to be honest I probably shouldn't of taken on but I did at the request of a regular guest at the hotel I work at as they asked if I could fund raise or raise awareness of an illness and charity they were involved in. I really was not going to say no to them. With fundraising I have always said that if I destroy my legs doing them but raise decent money along the way, then it was worth it, especially as some people have not even got the luxury of walking, never mind running.

2017 I booked 3 x 50 miler events so I could choose which one to do, and surprise surprise my knees still hadn't recovered properly and I decided 2017 would be a down year of practically no running or fund raising, but as ever I threw in some decent fundraising events and still did some good and thankfully could still run and walk ok at the end.

I have to say my Mum was constantly telling me 'You are doing too much!' which obviously then made me try and prove her wrong by indeed doing too much and pretending I then was ok.

2017 was obviously taken over by the passing of my Mum in June and I started the fundraising legacy in Mums honour called 'What Would Mum Do?' this gave me a new focus for the rest of 2017 and gave me goals to achieve and in a way helped me survive the year despite my mental health issues.

What now?...

Now late 2017 and I have to plan a New Year of fundraising not knowing how physically or mentally able I will be. I have created a '12 Days of Christmas & Reflection' fundraiser to help raise some money over Christmas and New Year for 5 charities my charity running group Run or Cake already fundraise for so that has given me some focus and a distraction from my own Christmas problems.

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, I will be also be doing the R.E.D. January fundraiser for Mind the mental health charity, where I will run everyday in January, or at least try.

Those two small goals will help me through the dark cold months of Winter and hopefully on toward Spring and my biggest challenge of my life so far...'The Return To Snowdon'.

The Return To Snowdon is the ongoing story of my Mum's love for Snowdon and Snowdonia and her final return there, where her ashes will be spread so she can admire the views she loved so much when she was able bodied enough to do so.

You can read that story here: https://snazzycracker2.wixsite.com/returntosnowdon

The story will eventually evolve into my act of remembrance in honour of my Mum one year on in June 2018 where I plan to walk from Chester to Llanberis and onto Snowdon using mainly the Welsh Coastal Path between Chester and Bangor which is a 80 odd mile walk then going onto Llanberis probably via Caernarfon which will add another 20+ miles and take it over 100+ miles likely.

A challenge indeed and one I will spend 3-4 days to try and do it safely. I have chosen to spread it out as I want to use the time to reflect and remember my Mum and once there I also intend on spending time reflecting on happy family times in the area where we went on family holidays.

Most importantly I will be visiting the spot that my Mum's ashes will of by then been spread on the hillside near Snowdon over looking Lyn Padarn a spot my Mum loved dearly.

I then intend on walking up Snowdon the next day as a final act of remembrance as I never managed to fulfil my ambition of walking up it with my Mum.

This fund raising walk of remembrance will give me the drive and determination to fight trough my troubles day by day, and I will use it to see me through yet another year!....


The fund raising links are as follows, please support me if you can, thank you.
Llanberis Mountain Rescue Team  https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/returntosnowdonmrt
Text donations code : (Code) LESJ49 followed by the amount, then send to 70070
Lupus UK https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/returntosnowdon
Text donations code : (Code) LESJ48  followed by the amount, then send to 70070

I 

Dealing with the Winter blues, often a SAD time for many.

The darker, colder wintry months will soon be upon us and although it is currently Autumn we have already hit the ever increasing onslaught of the late afternoon decent into darkness.

This for many marks the start of a long period of discomfort, uneasiness, lack of motivation, feelings of slight despair and sadness and many many other unpleasant feelings and repercussions of dealing with mental health issues, loneliness, depression and for some facing a Christmas without those they truly miss.

For some it is a recognized condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder or 'Winter Depression' .

For others who haven't got it quite so bad it is just a feeling of it's another year over and a time when often constant negative feelings of it's been another bad year go over and over in their mind. Even when it hasn't actually been a bad year the negatives come to the forefront more than the positives.

The mere fact that we are actually still here is a major positive and something we need to reflect on as often as we can.

As you know from the title of this blog I am running for my health. For this very reason I try and use running as a vehicle to steer me through the darker months of late Autumn and Winter. It can be hard as I for one am not a fan of the cold and the dark and I tend to hibernate in Winter and use it as a rest period from all my running during the year. This gives me valued physical rest and gives my body time to recover for yet another year of fundraising challenges.

This year however I have come to the realization that I suffer quite badly from Anxiety and although it's been there lurking in the background unrecognized in various forms it has come more to the forefront over the last year. I've had the worst bit at the end of last year when I had months of feeling physically sick and didn't know why and I eventually narrowed it down to sub conscious links between my mind and going to work each day.

I came to this realization after talking to someone who had suffered the same and the description of the feelings and timings made complete sense. The feeling of being sick would only appear in the hour or so before my next work shift and always after I ate. I thought for months that I had become allergic to something or had an intolerance to something I ate.

At it's worst I would feel overcome and on edge as soon as I stepped in the door at work and started my shift. So much so that my heart would be racing and I would become short of breath.

To cut a long story short I had multiple responsibilities at work in a minor role and as I like to concentrate on the job at hand I was getting severely stressed when given 3,4,5 or 6 different tasks one after the other before each was one was completed adequately.

This had gone on for a while and hadn't been addressed at work and it eventually became second nature to feel stressed, pent up, angry, and unappreciated.

The physical symptoms came to a head when I ended up on a warning for not going the 'extra mile' for a guest when quite frankly I was past caring as I was feeling like crap and worthless.

That was the final straw, I sought another job and turned my current job into a 1 or 2 day part time role with the help of my employer, who to be fair once I opened up about my problems did support me and were happy to let me downgrade my hours.

I got a new part time job at a local gym full off happy people enjoying life as they worked out and felt the benefit of the flow of happy hormones you get with an exhilarating workout or indeed run on a treadmill etc and their happiness and positiveness rubbed off on me and helped me feel happier, more positive and generally a lot better.

That was last October/Nov and that major change in my routine and life helped me get through a Winter that I otherwise would of struggled to get through. Don't get me wrong it was still a struggle but I got through it, I maintained some running and workouts through the Winter instead of my usual hibernation and I came out the other side ok.

This proved to me that running for your health is so vital in order to keep us going, especially through darker times. Not just our physical health but more importantly our mental health and well being.

The main point other than giving you a slightly off tangent part of my back story is that we need to ensure we get out there when times are tough. We don't want to, we like our bed too much, it's warm in there, it's safe in there, it's not warm out there and we often feel it's not safe out there also.

How do we get ourselves out there? how do we give ourselves a fighting chance? Join a gym, join a running club, join a running group on Facebook that will keep us actively communicating with the outside world. Runners are notoriously happy people most of the time, much to the disgust of some miserable b*ggers out there. We need to absorb their positive energy, make new friends with them, become part of their huge social circle where someone is usually always prepared to listen when we need it most, and give us a kind compassionate ear, and often a friendly support PM (personal message) to check we are really ok.

What else can we do? well if you want to go out and run but like me think the bed and a nice warm flat is a nicer option, we really need an incentive...

So what are the incentives? Well thankfully this year I for one discovered a project or campaign called R.E.D Run Every Day in January online and on Facebook. It is partnered with Mind the mental health charity this year and that itself was enough to make me sign up for it, despite having no wish to run for 30 consecutive days in Jan.

Luckily you don't have to run every day, you can walk instead, it could be to work it could be around the block. Just getting out of bed and into the fresh air and participating in something is a major motivator and improver of our overall health.

You sign up on line and it gives you plenty of warnings to take it easy as 30 days of running is a big call, hence why I would suggest taking the walk option most days.

You get a dedicated R.E.D Run Every Day technical T-Shirt which you pay an optional £7.50 for and they send you a fundraising pack as well with a calendar for Jan so you can mark of your progress as you go. There is no actual fundraising requirement, it is only an option but I would highly recommend doing so as the commitment gives you some purpose day to day. I would certainly recommend at least spreading your online link around friends and family on or off social media etc to get a little extra motivational help and support along the way.

Fundraising is a great motivator and it has helped me across the years to stay motivated, physically and mainly mentally healthy as much as possible, I would highly recommend it. If you ever suffer from feeling worthless and unneeded, this is a major way of helping resolve it, I can truly testify to that.

Here is the link for the RED website,  http://www.runeverydayjanuary.com/ have a look and click 'Join the movement' to get started. There is also a Facebook group to join with lots of like minded souls on there to help support you and who will share in their own personal journeys along the way. I have joined the group myself and they are a welcoming and open bunch of people.

If you join the facebook page you can find me on there as either Gru or Les Jackson, feel free to say hello.

I hope we can keep each other motivated along the way and push through the dark months and into the bright new Spring full of new hopes and dreams....

Gru.