It has been 8 months since my last mental health blog post on here, and to be honest as I have had a mostly positive 8 months I didn't want to go over my thoughts or examine more closely my life as I felt I have been progressing health wise, especially with my mental health regarding my Anxiety and Social Anxiety.
Going back over your bad times is not always wise so I ignored them and put the memories away in a little box as such and hid it away. I let the positives drive me as they should, but you have to be careful not to be too content to sit in that little comfort zone and fester.
Over the last 8 months I have concentrated on my fund raising challenge in memory of my Mum, and all the training involved to give me a chance of succeeding in the challenge. The challenge was the GB Ultras 50 mile Snowdon Ultra. The furthest distance I have ever attempted in an actual event at least, and certainly the toughest terrain as Snowdonia is not flat as you all know.
I spent a week in June in Snowdonia staying with my Dad in the holiday flat/farm that my Mum and Dad used to stay in for their last holidays together. It was a vitally important week as I got to spend some quality time with my Dad, even though I was out most of the day each day training up mountains.
The week gave me a tremendous resurgence in inner vitality and well being, especially being in such lovely, peaceful and scenic surroundings. I think that alone gave me a more positive outlook on my life and in particular my purpose.
Fund raising for good causes is one of my main drives now as I need a reason to be here, and a purpose to encourage me to push on through my troubles. Without purpose we are nothing. We were put here for a reason and it is our duty to find it or create it.
I miss my Mum dearly and the fund raising challenge was a way of honouring my Mum and trying to continue to make her proud, although I know full well had she been here she would of been doubting my decision to take part and would of been asking me whether I was taking on too much. This always made me push harder to prove I could.
The 1st anniversary of my Mums death was the week I spent in Wales with my Dad and the week I did all my Snowdon training. It was a welcome distraction to help get me through an otherwise difficult week, a week that otherwise could of pushed me over the edge.
The training and focus continued throughout the summer months and in no time at all the event itself was upon me. September was now here. I was honoured to have my Dad come with me for the weekend as my parents were never at events I did, so this one was special in many ways.
We spent a couple of days in Betws-y-coed which is where the race start and finish was. I obviously spent most of my weekend running/walking the event as the time allowance for the 50 miles was 24 hours, and I intended on using every one of them to make it easier on myself.
The event went extremely well and my body held up without any major troubles. My knee did suffer as I knew it would as it is my weakest link and the one that has always forced me to cancel previous attempts at 50 milers before even getting to the start line.
I loved my time out there and got to appreciate the lovely scenery as I went and used it as a distraction. It wasn't so much fun in the dark stages on the mountains when the cloud cover came in and the mist and I couldn't see where I was anymore. But after a detour I eventually made it down of the last mountain, and knew I could find my way on the last 13 miles of relatively flatter terrain to get me back in one piece at 6:01am in the morning!
Ever since then I have had a few relapses with my Anxiety, only brief thankfully and I have always known that by the next day I would be OK again. I was now faced with 'what now?' and 'what's next?'
What next for me fund raising wise as an individual fundraiser is not until next June when I go to Wales with my Dad again for the week. Details of this will follow when I nail down exactly what my plan is for the fundraiser.
But still I have 'what now?' in my head. I can't just sit here day on day, month on month going to work, going home and putting my feet up, sleeping and then going to work again the next day.
I do spend time each day on social media and running a charity running group on Facebook. That in itself keeps my mind focused on my sense of purpose and with it's continued success as such gives me a reason to go on day by day.
I have also started to publicise my plant based diet more, and my animal advocacy for the sake of the animals and indeed for the sake of our health. Both are a benefit to us all, but I am faced now with push back from friends and acquaintances who really are not interested in bettering their health at the expense of giving up something they have done all their lives, i.e. eat meat and consume dairy as it has been instilled in us over the decades that this is what is good for us, and it is part of our day to day lives and indeed culture and tradition.
I have recently suffered a dip in my mental health and Anxiety because of this as I was faced with debates, negative feedback and often uncaring comments regarding the animals along with doubts about knowing what I was talking about, despite spending the last 18 months researching on line material and seminars etc.
I have adjusted my friends list and contacts on social media to stop me being sucked into this negative world and being responsible for death and misery just because it is the accepted norm. I would rather struggle on than give up without a fight, I have a voice, the animals don't.
Our mental and physical health can be far more positive with the right diet and lifestyle, and more importantly our well being and positive focus.
I recently watched a new series called 'Trancendence' a 5 part series and it was enormously insightful and it covered a lot of ground regarding our nutritional health, mental health, physical health and well being. It covered what we strive for and why, along with what holds us back and why. How much 'Fear' can affect our daily choices.
It covered how we can move on past our 'Fear' and re balance ourselves, and not live in a state of daily stress due to our self imposed pressures regarding what we think we should be striving for in life, a bigger house, a more fashionable home, a successful career, big social circles, impressing those around us etc etc..
One thing that came up that holds many of us back is 'Fear'. It turned out that 'Fear' is a major driver for stresses and Anxiety. Fear of what could go wrong, fear of what people might think about me, fear of being alone, fear of not being noticed etc..etc..It was not all about stress at work that created my Anxiety pre work and at work, it was the 'Fear' I was suffering about worth and self worth that was triggering it.
Constant worry of looking bad, of what people thought of me, of how I was performing, of how other people were undermining my effectiveness in my role etc.
I am now learning how to address this 'Fear' and recognising it for what it is. If I feel it I have to remind myself why, and I have to take stock and reassure myself that the 'Fear' is invalid and it doesn't matter what people think, or that you think people think which is often the case.
It is now November and I have returned to the gym for workouts other than just running or cycling based, as I am taking the rest of the year and Winter off running wise. This will give me a drive, a sense and a purpose that I feel will help me better myself.
I want to use any advancement in my physique or health as evidence of the benefits of a meat and dairy free lifestyle. I am 49 at present and believe me most 49 year olds are not a shining example of health. I aim to help readdress this.
I also joined a dating site about 4-5 months ago, but rapidly discovered it yet again triggered the 'Fear' of what people thought of me, I'm not good enough for them etc etc..I have Social Anxiety as well as Anxiety in general so how on earth am I supposed to get up the courage to approach prospective dates when all I feel is 'I'm not good enough'.
I will address this now I've identified the 'Fear' and the unnecessary lack of self belief. The gym and the sense of purpose to help improve peoples health and therefore their life, and the determination to improve the lives of the animals and lessen their suffering will continue to drive me on.
I have very recently sadly lost an Aunt and an Uncle in the last two months to cancer, a sad reflection on what life can hold for us and a sad reflection on how our day to day diets may affect us in the long term.
Even the healthiest can suffer chronic disease, but it is more prevalent in the general population who have eaten the typical standard diet, and in a lot of cases the diet recommended to us in food guidelines in the most recent decades.
I aim to continue to promote, re post and share articles that can help us help ourselves. We all know you can reduce the risks with certain foods, we need to start to consider ourselves more closely. The information is out there, we need to educate and share the benefits of a healthier diet and indeed exercise.
Mentally if we improve our dietary health and our well being we face a better chance of getting through our troubles. Negativity feeds ill health and often causes it, positivity can help fight it and often repair it. The body has a tremendous ability to heal itself when given the right environment to do so.
I for one do not intend to sit here every day and fester at the side of the road of life, not daring to attempt to face my troubles doing nothing for myself or anyone else. I intend on making that first difficult step and facing the difficulties and obstacles in front of me to reach where I want to go!.
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