I made a profound realisation the other day after listening to a speech of a well know actor.
In the speech the usual subjects were mentioned, career, success, wealth and marriage.
But the most important words not usually mentioned, were finding yourself, and ‘Joy’. It made me realise something I had never thought of, or heard of before now.
We spend our earlier years growing up, being programmed or taught the basics at school, and extras if we go on from there to college or university. We are often asked by parents, teachers or career advisers “What do you want to be?”. Often people say a Doctor, a Nurse, an Actor, a Musician, a famous sportsperson and so on and so on.
In my case I never had an answer, as at that point I did not know. In future years after various different jobs I still did not know, and felt a bit of a failure as I was being told by society that I should, and I should be striving for it.
later on I finally came to the realisation that I wasn’t after a particular career or a perfect job, and I realised that all I wanted is to be happy in what I do. The doing should be the reward.
But how do you find this alleged true happiness? We attach the label ‘Happy’ to something we think we will be when we have that something we seek, be it a particular sporting achievement, job title, a bigger house, a family etc..etc.
How often have you been asked “Are you happy?” and in your head you have quickly accessed whether you have all that you want at that point, and that has been your marker for your happiness, as if owning and having something is what it is all about.
When we attach happiness to something solid like a career, a home, a person, in our mind our happiness is permanently molded and joined to it, and therefore in our mind reliant on it.
We feel content and happy because we have achieved the object, person or career we sought and it feels good. But often over time we realise that we are no longer as happy as we thought, and that which we sought was not actually the key to our happiness after all.
The problem is careers and jobs can come and go, homes can be bought and lost, husbands and wives can be lost or taken away. We suddenly end up in despair at losing all that we sought and strives for over the years, and all we feel is sadness of the loss, and the thought of the years it will take to achieve it again.
I say to you, happiness as we already know is an emotion, not an object or an achievement.
It is a feeling not an object we can earn or buy, it is not a reward, an achievement that can sought for, worked for and earned and kept forever.
Emotions and feelings are, and always have been temporary.
I say to you ‘Joy’ is what we should seek. ‘Joy’ is the actual feeling you feel when you encounter the emotion ‘Happiness’. You don’t earn it, it comes and goes daily as any emotion or feeling always does, we already know this, but sadly don’t actually associate it with our ‘Happiness’ .
Joy is happiness and is key. When something good happens to you you feel joyful and happy that it did, it’s an emotion you feel at that moment, and it can come at any time without being sought or earned.
When a comedian tells a good joke and you burst out in laughter you feel a tremendous feeling of joy and happiness for a second or two, and the good feeling within the body lasts longer as your brain releases pleasure hormones and the receptors light up like fireworks, and you feel the joy and pleasure long after the joke has been told.
When you see your son or daughter get married and you see they are truly blessed and love each other, you feel joyful, and merely seeing them together in the following years can bring back that feeling of joy. It wasn’t earned it was felt.
Compare this with plain ‘Happiness’ that you sought in a new car, a promotion, a new home, maybe even a new baby. Although that which you sought and earned maybe there in front of you the ‘Happiness’ may soon wane, because happiness is an emotion and temporary, and we have wrongly attached it to objects of perceived permanence.
Seek ‘Joy’, live a life in which you have the freedom to enjoy joy everyday. Have fun with those you love, do what pleases you and brings you joy. Be it going out for a walk, a hike up a mountain, a run in nature, watching the sunrise or sunset, take joy in those special moments on your own or with your offspring or just being with loved ones.
It’s available everyday, it’s usually free and doesn’t require planning ahead.
If you are having bad times or feeling sad, especially thinking of the future, and whether you will ever be happy again, remember that ‘Joy’ can and often will come in the morning, or afternoon or evening, and if not that day, then maybe the next.
You do not need to feel upset, stress and worry each day of perceived missed happiness. Find that which brings you Joy today or tomorrow, and remember it has infinite sources and is often given freely by others.
Go out and do what you love to do, be it your work or something else, and by all means strive to get that promotion, pay rise, bigger better house, car or whatever. But remember they are not all bringers of happiness that will stay, they are stairs to the next level of many next levels that you may seek, as you again try to achieve happiness once the original feeling has passed.
We are here to live a life filled with joy, we are wondrous beings, be it only a few fleeting moments a day or endless hours. We are here to go and do that which brings us joy, which is the true feeling the emotion happiness gifts us.
Remember we only have to live each day one by one, hour by hour, minute by minute. Joy can come at any time for anyone, it is felt in the heart...it is never earned.
Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
(Psalm 30, verse 5 ESV).
May you all find Joy daily, and may it bless your lives for ever.
